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I am back. Not sure where that is at the moment. Not sure where home is as our family in its membership of 3 has spent half of its life in South Africa & Turkey, equally.  I am upset that I permitted myself to get attached to one place so much. And yet, how can one live fully without one’s heart attached? In the past few months before the “shift”, I have been gathering ideas and materials to turn our white polished apartment into something of more homely place. And instead, I ended up packing all of that, leaving most precious things behind, like pebbles picked on the beach & drift wood. Don’t laugh.

I keep on reminding myself that we did not have to leave in the middle of the night, awoken by shots or chasing crowd. That we left with dignity, purpose, together, in good health (baby’s 39.7 temperature a day before the flight does not really count). And yet I still cannot face or speak to my friends. It feels like I lost my voice, confidence as a mother and a wife, lost my creative standing and ability to simply be.

Soooo…I am going to say good by to everything that I will miss so dearly and try to dream of a new home, right here and now.

I am going to miss Baby Boy throwing rocks in the water – he had few special places all across the town where he knew the “ro” are in abundance and picked them up, just in case water comes along.

Our coffee shop with not “Nescafe” coffee

Call to prayer in early hours

Bustling, exhausting time on the market, negotiating on fingers and thanking for the wonderful home grown produce

The smell, the sight of the bluest sea mixed with the heavy aroma of pine trees

Discoveries made with my family, lovely friendships we made

Walking everywhere

Olive grooves turning silver in the soft breeze

Eating at the table

Having so much space, I did not know what to do with it

I am embracing and looking forward to:

Being with our old friends again – the security of their friendship is comforting

Loving my boy tackling his cousins – he has the best cousins ever!

Being with our family

Movies – we did not go to one movie in 9 months (and possibly going on the dates alone)

English books & magazines at normal prices (although Turkish Fashion mags are excellent! At fraction of a cost)

Faster shopping

Creating a new home

Working with new talent

Gardening with my son

Splashing the beauty and diversity I have encountered into physical “memories” that will forever remind us of God’s creativity

Funny enough, I asked God to let me move as many times as it would take for me to pick up my bags without question or regret. This time was harder and easier in so many ways. So I am not there yet.

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